Premarital and Extramarital Sex
Summary
Premarital sex is sexual activity before marriage; extramarital sex (adultery) is sexual activity outside marriage while married. Religious and Natural Law views strictly condemn both: sex should be reserved for marriage because its purposes are procreation and unitive bonding within a committed, life-long relationship where children can be properly educated. The Bible teaches "Thou shalt not commit adultery" and forbids all sex outside marriage. Secular ethical views judge sex by different standards: Utilitarianism permits sex if it maximises happiness and involves consent; Kantian ethics requires mutual respect, consent, and commitment (making cohabitation without commitment problematic); Situation Ethics has no absolute rules—what matters is whether sex is an expression of agape love and mutual respect in that specific situation.
Detailed Explanation
What is Premarital and Extramarital Sex?
Definitions
Premarital sex: Sexual activity before marriage (ranges from one-night stands to long-term cohabiting couples).
Extramarital sex: Sexual activity outside marriage while married (includes adultery and affairs).
Religious/Natural Law Approach (Against Both)
The Traditional Christian View
- Sex is a sacred divine gift God created as "very good" (Genesis 1:31).
- But God ordains sex only within marriage—both Old and New Testaments condemn fornication (premarital sex) and adultery (extramarital sex).
- The Bible explicitly states: "Thou shalt not commit adultery" (Exodus 20:14).
Natural Law Argument
Sex has two purposes (telos):
Procreative
The biological purpose of making babies.
Unitive
Bonding a couple together in intimate love.
Both purposes should be present together, and this only happens properly in marriage because:
- Children need stable families: Children are best educated and raised within a committed, life-long marriage where both parents are present.
- Premarital sex violates procreation: Having sex without commitment means potential children grow up without proper education/stability.
- Extramarital sex violates fidelity: Adultery breaks the sacred promise made at marriage and undermines the unitive purpose.
The Primary Precepts Applied
- Education precept: Children need parents committed to their upbringing; sex outside marriage threatens this.
- Procreation precept: Sex must be ordered toward procreation within a stable marriage context.
Homosexual Sex Under Natural Law
- Cannot procreate, so it fails the primary purpose of sex.
- All homosexual sex is condemned as adultery (sex outside heterosexual marriage).
Kantian Ethical Approach
The Core Principle
Sex must respect human dignity and treat the other person as an end in themselves, never merely as a means.
Applied to Premarital Sex
Cohabitation without commitment is ethically problematic because:
- There's a danger of partners using each other as means (for sex, companionship, or practical benefit) rather than respecting each other's dignity.
- Lack of commitment means there's no genuine equal relationship—one partner might leave anytime.
- Without marriage, sex becomes purely lustful rather than an expression of mutual respect.
Marriage provides the right context because:
- Marriage is a promise to respect each other for life.
- It's a contract of equality and commitment.
- Sex within marriage expresses mutual respect, not lust.
Applied to Extramarital Sex
Adultery violates Kant's second formulation:
- You made a promise to your spouse to remain faithful.
- Breaking that promise treats your spouse as a means (ignoring their interests) rather than respecting their dignity.
- You're also disrespecting the third party, using them without honesty.
Kant's Requirements for Moral Sex
Consent
Both parties must freely and informedly agree.
Commitment
Sex should express affection and respect, not just lust.
Honesty
No deception about intentions or commitment.
Equality
The relationship must be based on mutual respect, not power imbalance.
Utilitarian Approach
The Core Principle
Sex is morally permissible if it maximises overall happiness and involves informed consent.
Applied to Premarital Sex
Permissible if:
- Both partners consent and are ready.
- Neither is pressured or coerced.
- It produces more happiness than harm.
Impermissible if:
- One partner is unprepared (e.g., too young).
- Coercion or pressure is involved.
- It leads to negative consequences (STDs, unwanted pregnancy, emotional harm).
Important Distinction
Not all premarital sex is the same. Utilitarians distinguish between:
- A committed couple exploring sexuality = likely increases happiness.
- A casual one-night stand = might increase happiness, or might cause regret/harm.
Applied to Extramarital Sex
Generally impermissible because adultery typically causes:
- Betrayal and emotional pain to the spouse.
- Broken trust in the relationship.
- Consequences outweigh any pleasure gained.
Exception
An open marriage where both partners consent to non-exclusive relationships might be permissible if it genuinely increases happiness for both. But in practice, jealousy and mistrust often ruin such arrangements, making them harmful overall.
Rule Utilitarian View
Make a general rule: "Monogamy and fidelity in marriage maximise long-term happiness".
- Therefore, prohibit adultery as a rule that serves the greatest good.
- But the rule could permit premarital sex in committed relationships.
Situation Ethics Approach
The Core Principle
There are no absolute rules about sex—only agape (unconditional love) matters.
Applied to Premarital Sex
- Not intrinsically wrong, but depends on the situation.
- If a committed couple expresses love and mutual respect through premarital sex, it can be the most loving thing to do.
- But casual sex purely for pleasure without genuine care for the other person violates agape and is wrong.
Applied to Extramarital Sex
Generally not the most loving thing, because it betrays your spouse. But Fletcher acknowledges extreme situations where it might be permissible:
Fletcher's Example
A woman in a war prison camp deliberately gets pregnant by a guard to be released and return to her family. This violates conventional morality but expresses agape toward her family.
Fletcher's Question
Does the absolutism of traditional morality on sex ignore context and love?
Key Debates
1. Is Marriage Essential or Just Contextual?
Religious View
Marriage is essential—the only proper context for sex.
Secular View
Marriage is contextual—what matters is consent, commitment, and consequences, not the legal status.
2. What About Committed Cohabiting Couples?
Aquinas would say
Still wrong—lacking the formal commitment and sacramental grace of marriage.
Kantian might say
Problematic without formal commitment, though a genuine promise between partners could suffice.
Utilitarian might say
Fine if both are happy and no harm results.
Fletcher might say
Fine if they express genuine agape love.
3. The Slippery Slope Problem
Religious Concern
If we allow premarital sex, what stops us from permitting adultery, casual sex, or promiscuity?
Secular Response
We distinguish by consent, commitment, and consequences, not by arbitrary rules.
Scholarly Perspectives
Religious/Natural Law Perspective
"The Bible bless sex in marriage as a gift from God, and unequivocally condemns sex outside of marriage—both fornication (premarital sex) and adultery (extramarital sex). Sex is reserved for marriage because its dual purposes—procreation and unitive bonding—are only properly fulfilled within a life-long committed relationship where children can be properly educated."
Source: Traditional Christian sexual ethics and Natural Law doctrine
This represents the classic religious view grounded in Scripture, Natural Law, and the primary precepts. It emphasizes that sex has God-ordained purposes that can only be fulfilled within the sacred covenant of marriage.
Kantian Ethics Perspective
"Sexual activity is permissible only within marriage, where genuine affection and lifelong commitment are guaranteed. Any non-marital sexual relationship risks degrading both partners by treating them as objects of sexual gratification rather than respecting their intrinsic worth as rational agents. Premarital cohabitation lacks the commitment necessary to ensure that partners are not using each other as means to an end."
Source: Kantian sexual ethics applied to premarital and extramarital sex
This emphasizes respect for dignity, commitment, and the categorical imperative in sexual relationships. Kant argues that without formal commitment, there is always a risk of instrumentalization.
Key Takeaways
Religious/Natural Law
Sex strictly confined to marriage for procreation and unitive bonding; both premarital and extramarital sex forbidden.
Kantian Ethics
Requires commitment and mutual respect; sex without commitment risks treating partners as means.
Utilitarianism
Judges by consent, happiness, and consequences; no blanket prohibition, but adultery usually causes more harm than good.
Situation Ethics
No absolute rules; agape love is what matters in each situation.
Key Issue
Is the ethical status of sex determined by institution (marriage) or by conditions (consent, commitment, love)?
Cohabitation
A major modern issue—most ethical theories now accept it (except traditional Natural Law), but emphasize commitment and honesty.
Quick Reference: Ethical Perspectives
| Theory | Premarital Sex | Extramarital Sex |
|---|---|---|
| Religious/Natural Law | Forbidden—violates procreation/education precepts | Forbidden—adultery violates sacred vow |
| Kantian Ethics | Problematic without commitment; risks treating partner as means | Wrong—breaks promise, violates spouse's dignity |
| Act Utilitarianism | Permissible if consensual and maximises happiness | Permissible if consensual and maximises happiness (rare) |
| Rule Utilitarianism | Permitted in committed relationships | Forbidden by rule (monogamy maximises happiness) |
| Situation Ethics | Depends on agape—OK if expressing genuine love | Generally wrong, except in extreme circumstances |